New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
