I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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