I want to make a zoo with you.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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