Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
