I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
