I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
