WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
