i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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