Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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