Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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