Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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