I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize