I think I won the penis lottery.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
