It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
