Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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