I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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