In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
