What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
