Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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