Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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