if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
