So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
