I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It's official drugs can't kill me
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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