So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
