I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
