Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
