we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
