the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
