my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
