I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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