when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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