did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
