I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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