i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
