I smell stomach acid.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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