At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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