I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
