Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
