he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
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