Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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