remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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