this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
