...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
