That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
