her vagine was all disorganized.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
