nut hugger
Plan B is the new Plan A
My hand turned me down
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
