you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
