In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
