They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
