dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
