I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
