and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
