Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
