I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
