i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Randomize
