So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize