i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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