addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
