who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Be still, my beating vagina.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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