Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I touched a dick in church today
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
