Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
