You made me cry and you don't even care
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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