Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
