That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
