You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
