She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
