Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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