dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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