I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
