Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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